Not Possible!

Today's Starting Weight: 255.4 or 257.2... Either way, seems very debatable.
Spanx Size: E
Days Left of Phase 1: 12

Last night I went to bed with a mighty plan in mind: I would wake at 7, eat breakfast, fix snack 1 & lunch, hop in the shower, get ready, & go to work where I would consume said snack and lunch. The mighty plan would allow me three hours to do everything I needed to do and get to work. I was very excited about this plan. As I began falling asleep, a brilliant fiction plot tingling at the edges of my mind, I thought to myself, I'm so lucky to have a husband that wakes me every morning. And then I fell into a deep sleep.

You can see where this is going, I am sure.

Cut to 8:45 this morning, just an hour and fifteen minutes until I have to be at work when I woke from said sleep, my wonderful husband sleeping in for the first time in... maybe ever. I didn't just wake. My eyes peeled open like the skin of a banana, the sunlight gazed my cornea, and I felt a warm body next to me. I made a bit of a commotion then, jumping up and climbing, an act better described as scrambling, over my still sleeping husband. I ran into the hallway and realized my kids were still asleep. At least, they had been before my outburst. Matt made my breakfast, I made the snack and lunch, got clean and dressed and headed out the door six minutes before I had to be at the store.

Yes, it is true I live very close to my work. No, it is not true that I can make it there in six minutes without breaking a few laws. So, laws were broken while I shoveled scrambled Southwestern Egg-Whites into my mouth. I arrived without breaking anything or anyone, save a few speeding restrictions. At work, I tried to eat my snack, but the cilantro mayo was too much for my feeble taste buds. I ended up eating my salad when I got home.

These trivial moments are not really important, though. Before I stepped into the shower, I stepped onto the scale. Now, please remember, Dear Readers, that just yesterday the same scale scowled at me from under the weight of 261.2 pounds. This morning, standing in my pajamas - same pajamas I took the previous shameful weight in - the scale read 255.4 pounds. Now, I am a realist. And a pessimist. There is no way in... well, in all of the scalding flames of hell that I lost almost 6 pounds in one day. There just isn't. So, I got cleaned, dressed, and stood on the scale again.

I stood very still, watching the lines blink in the reflection of the bathroom tile while the scale computed. I am always so afraid to move when I check my weight; what if a simple movement, such as looking down, causes the scale to read incorrectly? When I check my weight, I stand on the scale, my head straight, my eyes peering down like those movie librarians peering over their glasses, waiting to see a jumbled reflection of numbers, rather than lines. Once I see the numbers, I finally allow myself to move.

So the numbers arrived. I glanced down to read... and the scale read... 257.2. Clearly there was an error. So, I weighed myself three more times. Each time, the numbers read 257.2. What??? Even after seeing the numbers, my mind refused to accept it. I told the scale, "We'll just see tomorrow," like I was threatening it with punishment, or something.

So here is my new rule. Every morning, I will perform my weigh-ins in nothing but my skivvies. This will help to rule out any unintentional mis-weighs. I think that is only right.

But, just in case you are like me and every other child that ever peeled the wrapping paper back trying to get a glimpse at the present underneath (Come on - I know you did it, too.), let me leave you with this unbelievable truth. Tonight, after dinner, I went to the bathroom. I stepped on the scale, fully clothed. It read 261.2. I checked it many times. I stripped to my skivvies, stepped on the scale, and it read 257.0. I called Matt in, made him stand on the scale. Then I made him stand on the scale holding my pile of clothes. What did we find? A 4.2 pound difference. Lesson? Weigh without your clothes, Ladies. The truth is much more pleasant than the lie.